


All He Had Was This

by kiwifall



Category: Lupin (TV 2021)
Genre: Angst, Fantasizing, M/M, Masturbation, One-Sided Attraction, Possibly Unrequited Love, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwifall/pseuds/kiwifall
Summary: Benjamin lets the self-hatred (and the lust) get to him once again.
Relationships: Assane Diop/Benjamin Ferel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	All He Had Was This

Nobody had to know about Benjamin's secret. That was the only good thing to come out of it, he decided. He could hide his feelings until the end of time, almost as if they were never there in the first place. However, there was no denying there were some feelings at play when Ben sighed at his desk and began undoing his belt.

Taking his dick in his hand, he knew just how ridiculous it was. Nearly four o'clock in the morning and he hadn't slept, his work (and certain anxieties) keeping him awake. Usually he was disgusted with himself at times like these. _I'm fucking sick, thinking about Assane like this,_ he would say to himself. _He'd never like you like that, you're crazy. He can get practically any woman in France yet you think you have a chance?_

Yet somehow in the moment, he didn't care. All he had was this. This was the closest thing he had to intimacy with Assane — pleasuring himself in his workshop while the fantasy of his friend kept him entertained. Benjamin was convinced it would stay like this forever; a pathetic little man jacking off to thoughts and thoughts alone. In the daytime he fucking hated it, he hated that the only person he felt he could truly love saw him as nothing more than his best friend. But for right now, all Ben had was his hand, and all he could think about was Assane.

Shaky hands beginning to stroke, he filed through the different fantasies he had planned out in his mind. Some of them were romantic, where he envisioned a nice candlelit dinner that led to passionate sex on Assane's bed. Though his favourites were the rough scenes, as much as he didn't want to admit it. That's what he needed.

Ben's breathing became laboured as the fantasy started to unfold. Assane would push Ben up against the wall and kiss him with such urgency, grabbing at his clothes. Ben dreamed of feeling wanted. He ached for Assane to need him as much as Ben needed him. The two would work each other's clothes off, though most of this was a blur in Ben's imagination. Then he would pick his lover up and hold him against the wall, kissing his partner in the process. Assane's strength thrilled Ben — the man was _fit,_ and it sent an ache straight to his groin when he imagined his best friend hoisting him with ease like that.

Assane would lube up his fingers and prepare his partner tenderly as Benjamin whined. He considered actually fingering himself to aid the fantasy, but he couldn't be bothered to stop and get lubricant. After a bit, Assane would get himself ready and slide into him, groaning into Ben's ear and resting his forehead on the crook of his neck. Benjamin stroked himself faster, squeezing his eyes shut as his body tensed. He imagined Assane pounding into him, whispering sweet words to Ben as he became lost in the pleasure. 

Ben felt himself nearing orgasm and thrusted into his hand as hard he could. He wanted to get it over with, but relish in it at the same time. With a choked gasp and a moan, he spilled out onto his hand as he thought of the man he adored calling his name. He sat there, sunken into his chair, undone. After a moment, he wiped his hand on his thigh and pulled his pants up, not bothering with the belt.

He decided it was a fine enough end to his night, and he packed away the tools on his desk. The shame slowly rolled in, like the tide remembering it had a job to do. He sat on his chair yet again, staring into the floor with numbness in his heart.

Benjamin started to weep.


End file.
